Life Goes On

So you know how i get when i'm reading and this book was no exception. So it has been three weeks and gosh i really miss you. I know you've tried and it is very frustrating that we haven't connected. I know that if we were more than friends it would be worse but then i'd have more to hold on to as well. I understand why we aren't more than friends and it's ok, really it is. Although sometimes it would be so nice to come home to a different life. To find a way to you and I wonder why we don't make at least small moves towards that other life. So anyway, there i was walking the dog I was thinking about you and missing you and wishing I was allowed to tell you that I love you and have loved you for a very long time. I know that you love me and I know that is why things are as they are. I hope that you don't make any moves because you love me and don't want to make it any harder than it is...or do we stay where we are because we are afraid that it wouldn't be worth it. That the love we feel isn't enough. Is it better for you because it is hidden and dangerous? Do you risk it just enough to feel a thrill or are you as driven towards me as i am towards you? Sometimes i get tired of the secrets and the wishing and I'm glad we are so far apart. A part of me wants to end it all. To walk away from the edge and just forget that we ever got this far. it would be hard but we'd both gone on - after all, we've never really been together and this something is really more nothing than anything. And then I get a call or hear your year old voice mail and the right song comes on...I want to share my latest find with you but I miss the call. I hate missing the call, I hate having a secret, I hate that I am so far away. Not that here is bad because it isn't and I love so much in my life...it's just missing something...it's missing you.