untitled

I found this in my purse. Not sure when I wrote it - but I thought it was lost.

i've been afraid to believe
that it could be possible
afraid to look into your eyes

i worry if i believe
what i think i see
you will go away

i treasure every moment
but don't tell you
how i feel

i worry if i let you know
if i open up to you
you will disappear

i've been running so long
it's hard to stop
i feel so lost

sometimes just sometimes
i want to let it all go
and find myself in your arms

i know it's mostly a dream
but when you're with me
i'm home

birthday

Time to write the birthday poem.

this tenuous connection stretches thinner each day
I wait on my side of the line and wonder
will we ever cross it?

Each day goes by without a word
and i wonder how you are
do you think of me

without a spot of quiet
without a time alone
how will we continue

looking forward to a visit
Can one hour last a year?

this morning

Ghosts from the past float into my present
Giving me glimpses of an imagined future
Their hold on me is tenuous like clouds
They drift through my consciousness
Barely aware of my existence

Memories become pictures of forgotten times
Hopes of another path tease my dreams
Fading in the sunshine away in the background

Taking baby steps you creep back into my heart
Bringing us closer to the edge
Not quite together not quite alone
I wait for a sign

Three words hang in the balance
Fading into the distance
You slip away

Invisible

a credit card

a car to run around in

clean clothes to borrow

someone to pick up dinner

I'm in the shadows

does anyone notice?

Beg plead borrow promise

no one listens

no one helps

I'm right in front of you 

but you look right on thru

Food bought for me 

disappears

and they wonder why 

I'm not happy

take my clothes

even those never worn

don't bring them back

that would mean you notice

I'm tired so tired

of being invisible

not counting

not worth the effort

day in day out

they all feel the same

You make me feel visible

is it any wonder

I love you?

Loneliness

I read your last email today.
Not sure why but it made me sad.
Nothing has changed except my feelings.

I want to curl up beside you
use your heat to stay warm
listen to our hearts beat
watch the sun rise

you'll get up at dawn
just as I fall asleep
were we ever in sync?

time moves slowly
between times together
hope dims
dreams die

I wonder where it went

dreams

you speak to me thru music
songs making their way into my heart
notes floating overhead into the sky

not all tell your feelings
so i pick and choose
the message of my dream

silence falls between
deepening the distance
of our worlds

i fight the despair that threatens
time is fleeting and i worry
our paths will only cross

whisper it to me
bring it to me
come find me
stay with me
wake me
make it real

Jump In

What would change if we crossed the line?
why are we so afraid to enter that world?
I long to belong to you
I long to tell the world things only you know
It gets worse the longer I go without you

When we touch base I understand
But I wonder about it too
Are you afraid for me or the loss
What will we really lose
which is the illusion that which we have
or that which is wanted...

What if we never get a chance to try
What if you grow tired of me
What if this life without you takes me over

Where is the path that i must choose eventually
and once chosen will we regret that we waited so long
Or get there and decide it wasn't worth it

It is what it is you say over and over
but what if it isn't
what if it could be something else

how do we jump
will we ever jump
if i fall will you catch me
be there be here for me