Sven, I really needed you today. Oh well, things being what they are it was for the best. I just wish I could have heard your voice.
I'd like to call and be able to see you. I thought I was ready but I'm not. I want to be brave and beautiful and look you in the eyes as I finally say goodbye.
I know you think it has been said. Really it was left unsaid. Like a dangling metaphor, you wanted us to still be friends. But friendship can't be one sided. You haven't reached out to me and I know you could if you wanted. The point is that you don't want to. I am still working on accepting that reality. I still can't reach out in friendship. I'm still too angry, hurt, afraid to go back to that pain.
I have other pain to deal with, pain that has nothing to do with you. Someday I would like to be indifferent to the thought of you. I hope I reach that point. But for now I will dream of other things and go back to making my life better. I have found peace in where I am. I am happier than I've been in a long time. Being happy takes work but once I got the hang of it, I find it more often.
Live well, laugh often, love the one you're with.
