It is what it is

Sven, I really needed you today.  Oh well, things being what they are it was for the best.  I just wish I could have heard your voice.  

I'd like to call and be able to see you.  I thought I was ready but I'm not.  I want to be brave and beautiful and look you in the eyes as I finally say goodbye.  

I know you think it has been said.  Really it was left unsaid.  Like a dangling metaphor, you wanted us to still be friends.  But friendship can't be one sided.  You haven't reached out to me and I know you could if you wanted.  The point is that you don't want to.  I am still working on accepting that reality.  I still can't reach out in friendship.  I'm still too angry, hurt, afraid to go back to that pain.  

I have other pain to deal with, pain that has nothing to do with you.  Someday I would like to be indifferent to the thought of you.  I hope I reach that point.  But for now I will dream of other things and go back to making my life better.  I have found peace in where I am.  I am happier than I've been in a long time.  Being happy takes work but once I got the hang of it, I find it more often.

Live well, laugh often, love the one you're with.